it’s monday again…

So it’s Monday again. I feel better today than I’ve felt in a long time. I think those infusions might be helping because I’ve had 5 consistent days without brain fog! Most other things have remained the same but at least I’m more functional when I wake up. 

My puppy’s getting spayed today. Lucky that dogs never have to worry. If it’s anything like my other dog, she won’t even realize anything happened to her! We can learn from these furry creatures that worry doesn’t help. For most things I’ve learned to sweep it out of my thoughts and have only felt better for it. Things turn out the same. The only thing worry accomplishes is loss of sleep, frown lines and maybe high blood pressure. Sometimes worry is a motivator. But as you age, I believe you can master the motivation without the worry. So I’m not worrying that I’m late for work today. I will get there when I do, and I will finish what I have to finish. I’m not worrying that my puppy will be ok during her surgery. I will pray and hope for the best. I am not worrying that my salary has dropped due to my illness and that now the bills are harder to manage. The money has always somehow materialized when we needed it. I will not worry that my freshman in college is ok. When I see her next, I will make an assessment. I will not worry that my other children are doing ok in school. Somehow they will make it too. Ok, and I will not worry that my digestion has again slowed down to the point of nausea and inability to eat without the cornucopia of old lady constipation medicine. I just won’t worry…

Mondays are hard. The week stretches ahead impossibly. We do this every week for life. I always feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. What changes things? What makes life less monotonous? People. Things. Animals. Adventure. Creativity. Engaging with the world is what turns a day of boredom into a colorful memory. Memories are what we can hold on to. Children file away happy memories of their childhood. Happy children become happy adults. If their parents are happy, then children learn that Mondays aren’t so bad. They learn to model a happy life. I believe that it is important to become a happiness model for the children. Whatever challenge life brings on, it is important to model the appropriate way to deal with it. Some challenges require a period of mourning. Children have to learn this. But they also have to learn that healing takes place with time, and that happiness does re-emerge eventually. With less morbid challenges, it is the parent’s duty to demonstrate that they can still lead a happy and fulfilling life despite the challenge.

Because of this, I didn’t want my children to know that I had cancer. I figured that nobody was telling me I would die in the near future, so why should they know? The word is still so frightening. Fortunately I had surgery and that was enough. No chemotherapy, no radiation, no hair loss and no outward evidence of the disease. My oldest two eventually found out. Because I am sick with sarcoidosis, which causes me to be in bed for extended periods, my oldest was onto me and specifically asked me to be honest with her about my health. So we have periodic updating discussions. My youngest are becoming aware as they get older and snoopier, but I keep the mood light. We just enjoy our time together. We laugh a lot. The dogs bring  tremendous joy to the household, as do our youngest children. When my oldest moved out, everyone was sad. So we got a second dog which brought a whole new joy.

I’m hoping that my approach helps to raise children who can withstand the stresses that life brings without crumbling. I am happy to see that as they grow older, my children seem happy.

Wishing everyone joy in their lives…


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